he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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