Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
