Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
