Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
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