giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
