Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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