I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Barsexuality is the new black.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize
