is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
