remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
