Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
