Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
