no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
