I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Randomize
