good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
