found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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