He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
