Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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