i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
