I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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