He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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