I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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