I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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