we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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