I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
