Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
