Are we in a gay sports bar?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
