At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
