Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
