It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
