He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
It's shark week go big or go home
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize