just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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