Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
