just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
