Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
