Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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