I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I believe in your delicious
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
