You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
