K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
