I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
