tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize