meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
