Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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