Are we in a gay sports bar?
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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