Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
We talked him into tasing himself.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize