we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
