If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
