I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
