Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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