Did you just see the Batmobile???
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
