so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
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