I want to stick my p in your. b.
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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