I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
