Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I can't turn off my feet"
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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