Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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