What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Say something about gay babies.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
