Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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