I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
