It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
