You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
