I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
