so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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