if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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