somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I wish I only lived at night.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
