im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
