I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
