What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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