you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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