Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
