I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
This toilet bowl is my home.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
