so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
