Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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