i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
so let's talk penis.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
