your thong is hanging out like whoa
Will you blow on my dice?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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